After the flowers, new lamp, profuse apologies, dinner at her favorite restaurant, etc...
Buy a good flyswatter!
"You can't make someone listen to reason if they aren't willing to think"-- Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451
A version of #2. You tell her you had to get up in the middle of the night to pee and, when you did, you got light headed and were about to fall when you tried to grab the table, knocking over the lamp.Wife is out of town for work until thursday. A fly got into the house and when I went to bed around 10:30 last night, it was buzzing around the room. Tried for an hour to get it, shoo it out of the room, open windows. Nothing worked. Tried to power through it and get to sleep. By 1:00 a.m. the fly is still buzzing, and I'm still awake. I get up out of bed, flick on the lights again, and I see that the fly is on the lamp shade at my night stand. I grab the closest pair of shoes I can find and swing as hard as I can-not giving a lick of the consequences. Well, I got the fly and literally destroyed the lamp as collateral damage.
The problem is that the lamp was a gift to my wife from her sister. Sentimental value and all that. I have 3 potential options:
1. Blame the dog;
2. Blame my wife "you shouldn't have put it on my side of the bed"
3. Fess up.
My reaction is to pick 3, and just say "I was so tired I didn't know what I was doing".
You get to blame her for putting it on your side of the bed and sympathy for a potential health issue.
Remember: lies keep marriages together
DANC
You have a dog? Put a dog turd from the yard on the floor next next to her side of the bed. She will be so mad at the dog she won't care about the lamp any more.
A good friend will bail you out of jail, but your best friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying "that was f***ing awesome"
Wife is out of town for work until thursday. A fly got into the house and when I went to bed around 10:30 last night, it was buzzing around the room. Tried for an hour to get it, shoo it out of the room, open windows. Nothing worked. Tried to power through it and get to sleep. By 1:00 a.m. the fly is still buzzing, and I'm still awake. I get up out of bed, flick on the lights again, and I see that the fly is on the lamp shade at my night stand. I grab the closest pair of shoes I can find and swing as hard as I can-not giving a lick of the consequences. Well, I got the fly and literally destroyed the lamp as collateral damage.
The problem is that the lamp was a gift to my wife from her sister. Sentimental value and all that. I have 3 potential options:
1. Blame the dog;
2. Blame my wife "you shouldn't have put it on my side of the bed"
3. Fess up.
My reaction is to pick 3, and just say "I was so tired I didn't know what I was doing".
Step 1: Ask your wife if her sister knew she was out of town. Slowly start nodding when your wife says yes. Explain in great detail how you have unfortunately lived a difficult life. For as long as you can remember you have been treated as a piece of meat by women. Start telling her the story from grade school when Alexis beat you up because you wouldn't be her boyfriend. Or how for months when you got your morning coffee from Desiree in the drive up window at McDonald's she kept giving the blow job gesture (I'd show the wife what the gesture is for effect). Or the time at band camp with that one gal. Now you add as many stories as you like here.
Give her a moment to digest your sexiness. And then tell her the unfortunate truth that her sister broke into your bedroom and as a last ditch effort you had to smash her over the head with the lamp to keep her from raping you. Then shrug, kiss her on the cheek, and ask her what's for dinner. Oh....when you're walking out of the bedroom tell her if she cleans up the mess you'll give her the business later.
Wife is out of town for work until thursday. A fly got into the house and when I went to bed around 10:30 last night, it was buzzing around the room. Tried for an hour to get it, shoo it out of the room, open windows. Nothing worked. Tried to power through it and get to sleep. By 1:00 a.m. the fly is still buzzing, and I'm still awake. I get up out of bed, flick on the lights again, and I see that the fly is on the lamp shade at my night stand. I grab the closest pair of shoes I can find and swing as hard as I can-not giving a lick of the consequences. Well, I got the fly and literally destroyed the lamp as collateral damage.
The problem is that the lamp was a gift to my wife from her sister. Sentimental value and all that. I have 3 potential options:
1. Blame the dog;
2. Blame my wife "you shouldn't have put it on my side of the bed"
3. Fess up.
My reaction is to pick 3, and just say "I was so tired I didn't know what I was doing".
Step 1: Ask your wife if her sister knew she was out of town. Slowly start nodding when your wife says yes. Explain in great detail how you have unfortunately lived a difficult life. For as long as you can remember you have been treated as a piece of meat by women. Start telling her the story from grade school when Alexis beat you up because you wouldn't be her boyfriend. Or how for months when you got your morning coffee from Desiree in the drive up window at McDonald's she kept giving the blow job gesture (I'd show the wife what the gesture is for effect). Or the time at band camp with that one gal. Now you add as many stories as you like here.
Give her a moment to digest your sexiness. And then tell her the unfortunate truth that her sister broke into your bedroom and as a last ditch effort you had to smash her over the head with the lamp to keep her from raping you. Then shrug, kiss her on the cheek, and ask her what's for dinner. Oh....when you're walking out of the bedroom tell her if she cleans up the mess you'll give her the business later.
Don't forget the part where the sister had a WHOLE cheesecake with her.
@co-hoosier man, my parents see this differently. Every time they visit they bring a load of shit to offload on us. Most of it I don't want anyways so we tell them we have no room. I'll take a china set when they give it to us so the girls can have the nice stuff, but that's about it.
I'd say 3 months ago we had a visit from my parents. They come bearing arms full of crap. After proceeding to go through the items which included a folder full of love letters my dad had collected from a past girlfriend (we all thought this was f*cking nuts and disrespectful since my mom was with him, shoulda thrown that shit away.). Then inside a paper grocery bag my dad pulls out a human skull. We were all like, WTF!!! This was a skull handed down to him by his father that had attended med school. If I understand this correctly I believe back in the day med students received a human skull as part of their education, (I could be wrong). Regardless there was a effing human skull sitting on my dinner table.
My wife who IS a doctor yelled at my dad to take that off her table and return it home. My dad proceeded to say if you don't want it I'll just throw it away. Which my wife responded, that's against the law. You have to properly dispose of it. So we lectured my mom and dad they needed to contact the IU medical school and find out what to do with this skull.
I'll guarantee you my dad returned home and tossed that in the trash.
Clean up mess…don’t say anything until asked. No reason to get yelled at twice
Remember: lies keep marriages together
That and separate residences.
Hope is not optimism, which expects things to turn out well, but something rooted in the conviction that there is good worth working for. - Seamus Heaney, Irish poet and likely Hoosier basketball fan.
POTFB
Wife is out of town for work until thursday. A fly got into the house and when I went to bed around 10:30 last night, it was buzzing around the room. Tried for an hour to get it, shoo it out of the room, open windows. Nothing worked. Tried to power through it and get to sleep. By 1:00 a.m. the fly is still buzzing, and I'm still awake. I get up out of bed, flick on the lights again, and I see that the fly is on the lamp shade at my night stand. I grab the closest pair of shoes I can find and swing as hard as I can-not giving a lick of the consequences. Well, I got the fly and literally destroyed the lamp as collateral damage.
The problem is that the lamp was a gift to my wife from her sister. Sentimental value and all that. I have 3 potential options:
1. Blame the dog;
2. Blame my wife "you shouldn't have put it on my side of the bed"
3. Fess up.
My reaction is to pick 3, and just say "I was so tired I didn't know what I was doing".
there was literally a Pink Panther episode from the 60s about this
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FnTWLxS-lGQ
@co-hoosier man, my parents see this differently. Every time they visit they bring a load of shit to offload on us. Most of it I don't want anyways so we tell them we have no room. I'll take a china set when they give it to us so the girls can have the nice stuff, but that's about it.
I'd say 3 months ago we had a visit from my parents. They come bearing arms full of crap. After proceeding to go through the items which included a folder full of love letters my dad had collected from a past girlfriend (we all thought this was f*cking nuts and disrespectful since my mom was with him, shoulda thrown that shit away.). Then inside a paper grocery bag my dad pulls out a human skull. We were all like, WTF!!! This was a skull handed down to him by his father that had attended med school. If I understand this correctly I believe back in the day med students received a human skull as part of their education, (I could be wrong). Regardless there was a effing human skull sitting on my dinner table.
My wife who IS a doctor yelled at my dad to take that off her table and return it home. My dad proceeded to say if you don't want it I'll just throw it away. Which my wife responded, that's against the law. You have to properly dispose of it. So we lectured my mom and dad they needed to contact the IU medical school and find out what to do with this skull.
I'll guarantee you my dad returned home and tossed that in the trash.
this is the worst. My parents were hoarders. I wouldn’t say we are minimalists, but we have no interest in a lot of the sentimental stuff.
Now they are downsizing to a ranch ina few months, so I expect a special visit just to unload more shit. Thinking about cleaning their house out is stressing me out.
Your dad is a freakin' gangster. I love this guy.@co-hoosier man, my parents see this differently. Every time they visit they bring a load of shit to offload on us. Most of it I don't want anyways so we tell them we have no room. I'll take a china set when they give it to us so the girls can have the nice stuff, but that's about it.
I'd say 3 months ago we had a visit from my parents. They come bearing arms full of crap. After proceeding to go through the items which included a folder full of love letters my dad had collected from a past girlfriend (we all thought this was f*cking nuts and disrespectful since my mom was with him, shoulda thrown that shit away.). Then inside a paper grocery bag my dad pulls out a human skull. We were all like, WTF!!! This was a skull handed down to him by his father that had attended med school. If I understand this correctly I believe back in the day med students received a human skull as part of their education, (I could be wrong). Regardless there was a effing human skull sitting on my dinner table.
My wife who IS a doctor yelled at my dad to take that off her table and return it home. My dad proceeded to say if you don't want it I'll just throw it away. Which my wife responded, that's against the law. You have to properly dispose of it. So we lectured my mom and dad they needed to contact the IU medical school and find out what to do with this skull.
I'll guarantee you my dad returned home and tossed that in the trash.
He’s just a brilliant asshole.Your dad is a freakin' gangster. I love this guy.@co-hoosier man, my parents see this differently. Every time they visit they bring a load of shit to offload on us. Most of it I don't want anyways so we tell them we have no room. I'll take a china set when they give it to us so the girls can have the nice stuff, but that's about it.
I'd say 3 months ago we had a visit from my parents. They come bearing arms full of crap. After proceeding to go through the items which included a folder full of love letters my dad had collected from a past girlfriend (we all thought this was f*cking nuts and disrespectful since my mom was with him, shoulda thrown that shit away.). Then inside a paper grocery bag my dad pulls out a human skull. We were all like, WTF!!! This was a skull handed down to him by his father that had attended med school. If I understand this correctly I believe back in the day med students received a human skull as part of their education, (I could be wrong). Regardless there was a effing human skull sitting on my dinner table.
My wife who IS a doctor yelled at my dad to take that off her table and return it home. My dad proceeded to say if you don't want it I'll just throw it away. Which my wife responded, that's against the law. You have to properly dispose of it. So we lectured my mom and dad they needed to contact the IU medical school and find out what to do with this skull.
I'll guarantee you my dad returned home and tossed that in the trash.